Wow a whole year and a half of not updating.... I really suck at this. Life has been absolutely crazy and ridiculous. I did two sprint triathlons this past year.  My first one was on Thanksgiving day and I loved it so much I decided to sign up for a second one.  The second one was in March and it was to support The Cure for Breast Cancer research.  It was a neat idea, all women.  It was very laid back and non-competitive, very unlike the first triathlon I did to support the YMCA.  I did not train as hard as the first time and I had some complications with my bike, but I was just glad I finished the race.

Ray and I are still not together.  We actually are not speaking. Ce La Vie right? I guess that's what happens when someone's current significant other hates your guts. I dated Nick for a while and that turned out terrible, but we are good friends now none-the-less.  I am so tired of failed romances.  I love that so many of my friends are happy and that they are having successful relationships and making plans for their futures to get married and have children... I want nothing more for them.  But for me... I wish I could just have a successful, good, happy, healthy relationship for ONCE. The relationship I am sort of in right now does not fit that bill and I am very tempted to call it quits and walk away. You know that something is not right when you continue to have nightmares night after night, wake up exhausted and pissed and can't go back to sleep and walk 2 miles to the nearest Starbucks just to use the internet and be away for a while.  I am not quite sure what I expected, but it definitely was not this...

I spent most of the summer in Indiana attempting to help Bonnie.  Long story short, she didn't really need my help and my "being there for her" may have been comforting, but I am not sure what kind of effect I really had on her.  I suppose I will find out now that she is finally moving into a new house and getting a chance at a "fresh start".  I am not sure it was the best thing to spend an entire summer starting a faltering, complicated relationship, attempting to help a friend who does not feel worthy or able to be helped, and in general vacationing and spending (not making) money.  But again, it is done and I cannot change it. I just thought I would be in such a different place right now...

I am ready to move on again.  If I cannot start school in January (I plan on going back to school to get my masters in PA from Midwestern in Glendale, AZ) I will be working as much as possible and trying not to focus on my love life again. Last year I threw myself into work and working out.  It worked out very well for my body and eventually my soul.  I just have to get over this hump of wanting to cry every time I start to exert myself.  I want to substitute teach in the local high schools so I can have a chance to meet more kids and introduce them to Young Life and perhaps even Desert Streams (my church). Along with that, personal training, working for my mom and perhaps even a part time job (as a barista?) I have a feeling I might eventually become (more) sane.?

I need a new hiking buddy as Danielle has moved back to Indiana after getting married and having twin girls.  That was an adventure all in itself.  I loved being there for her throughout the whole pregnancy, right down to delivery and visiting the girls in the hospital while they gained weight and were slowly taken off machines and began to live, breathe, eat on their own.  It truly is a miracle.  But now that she is gone, I need to find someone else to go hiking with. 

I have two friends who are also pregnant right now.  One is Janine, who is a very good friend of mine, but we got in a huge fight about Nick and money earlier this year but we have worked things out.  She is due in Dec, but is a very high risk pregnancy bc of high blood pressure.  She had to deliver her last baby, Taylor, early also for that same reason.  The other is Jen, who I met through Danielle and she is due in October.  I am excited for her baby shower in September when I get back to AZ.  She is such a strong person and has been pregnant alone this whole time as her boyfriend is stationed overseas right now.  Janine's husband also leaves to go overseas to Korea in week and I am going to do my best to be there for her throughout the rest of her pregnancy, but she is moving to Casa Grande to live with her in-laws while he is gone.  It is so weird that so many my friends are getting married, having kids or both... I know that I have not found the right guy yet but I keep hoping... I will close for now with Michael Buble "Haven't Met You Yet"...

I'm not surprised, not everything lasts
I've broken my heart so many times, I stopped keeping track
Talk myself in, I talk myself out
I get all worked up, then I let myself down

I tried so very hard not to lose it
I came up with a million excuses
I thought, I thought of every possibility

And I know someday that it'll all turn out
You'll make me work, so we can work to work it out
And I promise you, kid, that I give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet